Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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