He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
