I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
