Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
