Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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