she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
