do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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