How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
