but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
