I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
