Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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