My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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