you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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