Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
