Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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