I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
