Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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