That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
