No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
