how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They took my balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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