so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
