I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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