He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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