I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
