Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
