she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need a burrito and a hug.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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