he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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