I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
