dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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