Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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