I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
