I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
