Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
