When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
