I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
