Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
