i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
