Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
