In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
only you would photoshop your dick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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