So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
