Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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