He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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