At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
well you can't waste a boner
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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