I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
