so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
