apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
