I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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