you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
