3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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