dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
