Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
