dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize