Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
