Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
