youre lurking in front of me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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