First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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