It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
