Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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