How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
