Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
