lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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