there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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