i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
