Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
