She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
