I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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