I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
