she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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