Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
