wakey wakey hands off snakey
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
