Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
