just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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