Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
