Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
