call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
