Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize