i just wanna soil my oats bro
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
