the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
