I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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