I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
