We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
