when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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