dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
