I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
