My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize