i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
