New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
