Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
