drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
