he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
