I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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