I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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