Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
