how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
