I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
