i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
